Oxden Academy of Magic :: Search Results
| 20 Most Recent Posts | 20 Results Found |
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Result 1 of 20:
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Result 5 of 20:
|  Author | Topic: Reproducing Bull (Read 3 times) |
f56d5r
Guest
|  | Reproducing Bull
« Result #5 on Mar 25, 2009, 12:40am » | ![[Quote]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif) |
A couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of reproduction bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: "See! That was more
than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband: "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do
YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison... The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells: "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back: "Sure, once a day! But
ask the announcer if they were all with the same cow!!!"
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Result 6 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: Letters On The Skin (Read 5 times) |
5gd59f
Guest
| | Letters On The Skin
« Result #6 on Mar 25, 2009, 12:40am » | |
Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big Y on her chest.
The doctor asks, " Why do you have a big Y on your chest?"
She replys, " Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big H on her chest.
Agian, the doctor asks, " How did you get a big H on your chest?" The woman replys " My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large M.
He says, " Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"
" NO" replys the patient " But my girlfriend went to Wisconsin"
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Result 7 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: The Target (Read 1 time) |
dfg659t
Guest
| | The Target
« Result #7 on Mar 24, 2009, 11:08pm » | |
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.
¡¡¡¡I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.
¡¡¡¡"It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.
¡¡¡¡"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.
¡¡¡¡"Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready."
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Result 8 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: A Man Who Said No (Read 2 times) |
gf52t5
Guest
| | A Man Who Said No
« Result #8 on Mar 24, 2009, 11:07pm » | |
A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.
¡¡¡¡Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"
¡¡¡¡At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"
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Result 9 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: The Red Dragon (Read 5 times) |
cgfg852
Guest
| | The Red Dragon
« Result #9 on Mar 9, 2009, 9:00pm » | |
A long long time ago most of the animals on earth looked very different from how they look now.
Some were thinner, some were taller and some had more legs than they have today.
The Rhinoceros and the Hippopotamus were very vain and always boring the other animals, asking them to admire their good looks.
"Haven't I got the most handsome face you've ever seen?" the Rhinoceros would ask, as he turned his head from side to side. "Don't you think my left side is as handsome as my right?".
"Look at my slim body" the Hippopotamus would answer. "Isn't this the most beautiful body you've ever seen?"
"Huuh!" the Elephant would trumpet. "Look at my beautiful ivory teeth. They're the most perfect teeth in the world". And he would smile, showing two rows of gleaming ivory teeth.
Every thing was peaceful and boring until one day a red dragon flew down from the sky shouting "The world is going to end! The world is going to end!"
"We've heard that one before" said the lion, with a bored sigh. "The chicken said the sky was falling, but nothing happened".
"It's for real this time. The world is coming to an end!" yelled the red dragon.
"How do you know" the others asked.
"A wizard told me" he replied.
"Then it must be true" they all said. "What shall we do?"
"You can all climb onto my back and I'll fly you to another world" said the red dragon.
They all rushed to get on the dragon's back except the lion.
"I'm king around here and I'm not frightened of anything" he roared. "I'm going to stay here on earth".
"I'm going to stay too" said the tiger, getting down.
"Tigers are just as brave as lions".
When the other animals were ready, the dragon flapped his wings, jumped into the air and came down again.
With such a heavy load on his back he had to try it several times before he took off.
As the red dragon flew higher it was uncomfortable for the animals squeezed onto his back and some of them became scared. They began to fight and push each other.
"Get your tail out of my eye" yelled one.
"Watch where you're putting that paw" yelled another.
"Oh, we're going very high" squeaked a mouse.
"Give me a break and sit still" cried the red dragon. "All you're fighting and shoving is making it very hard for me to fly".
The animals ignored him and finally the red dragon became so tired he couldn't flap his wings any more
and started to fall out of the sky.
The animals slid off his back and fell towards the ground screaming in panic. No one was killed but they all landed with a mighty thud.
The snakes legs fell off and he slithered away in the grass.
The Rhinoceros landed on his face, making a large bump on his nose that turned into a horn.
The Hippopotamus kept rolling and bumping over the hillside, getting bigger and fatter until he finally splashed into a waterhole. He was so embarrassed at how round and fat he was, he wouldn't come out.
The elephant broke all his teeth except for two that stuck into the ground. When he tried to pull them out of the ground they stretched into the two long tusks he has today.
The giraffe caught his head in a high tree and his neck stretched and stretched until his body reached the ground.
In fact all the animals changed into how they look today.
The lion and tiger roared with laughter at how funny the other animals looked now.
"I don't see what's so funny" snapped the crocodile, whose face had been flattened by a gorilla landing on it.
The Rhinoceros was very angry about losing his good looks. That's why you have to be very careful near them, even today.
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Result 10 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: Rabbit the hunter (Read 5 times) |
cgfg852
Guest
| | Rabbit the hunter
« Result #10 on Mar 9, 2009, 9:00pm » | |
One day Rabbit took his bow and arrow and went hunting. He left the house where he lived with his grandmother and hopped through the forest, happy
to be out and about. Suddenly he saw huge footprints
in the track.
"Wow! Check out the size of this!" Rabbit said,
twitching his nose. He hopped into the middle of the left footprint, then took six long hops to reach the right one.
"This dude is some giant" he said out loud, talking
to himself because no one else was there. The forest
was silent. He couldn't even hear a wing flap, or a
bear breathing.
"I bet that giant's hunted everything!" said Rabbit
angrily. And sure enough, when he checked, there
wasn't anything left to hunt.
Rabbit went home to his grandmother and told her he hadn't hunted
anything for dinner because the giant had been to the forest first. She patted him on the head. "Don't worry dear. I've picked some berries. We can have them for dinner."
"I don't want stupid berries. I want to eat something I've hunted!"
Rabbit grumbled to himself. He didn't say it out loud because he didn't
want to hurt his grandmother's feelings.
The next day Rabbit got up earlier, hoping to hunt before the giant
came. No luck. Everything had gone already. "It's not fair!" cried
Rabbit, stamping his feet.
Each day Rabbit got up earlier and earlier, and each day the same thing
happened. The giant got there first.
Rabbit became angrier and angrier. "I will set a trap for the giant. And when I catch him, I'll shoot him with my bow and arrow." He strung a
net across the track to catch anyone who walked down it. Then he went
home to his grandmother, thinking "this will be the last night I have to
eat berries for dinner. Tomorrow I'll be able to go hunting."
The next morning Rabbit got up extra early and went to check on his net. "Oh no!" He wailed.
"The giant has walked right throng it and made a big
hole!" He went home and told his grandmother.
"Don't worry dear, have a berry" she said.
"I don't want any more berries" cried Rabbit "I
want to eat something I have hunted." Then he looked at his grandmother and thought for a
moment. "You know some magic. Will you make me
a special net?" he pleaded.
"Alright. If it will make you happy." She told Rabbit to go away because the magic was secret. When he came back she gave him a net as thin as a spider's web, but stronger than any net ever made.
Rabbit tied it across the track in
the forest. The next morning, he got
up extra early and rushed out into the forest. He hopped round a bend in the track and skidded to a halt. There was a blinding light coming
from his magic net. It was so bright, he couldn't look at it for more than
a second. "Oh No!" he wailed. "I've captured the SUN".
"Let me out of here," roared Sun in a deep load voice that shook the forest. Rabbit fell backwards onto the track, then hopped home as fast
as he could to tell his grandmother.
"You must let Sun out of the net," said his Grandmother "Look how
dark it is everywhere." "I'm scared" said Rabbit.
"I know" answered his grandmother, "but if you don't let Sun out of the net it will always be dark. Here's a magic knife. Go and cut the net." Rabbit hopped back into the forest.
"Let me out of here" roared Sun, thrashing around
in the net with his big feet. Rabbit slowly moved
forward, his little legs shaking with fright. The closer
he got, the hotter it became. Closer and hotter,
closer and hotter.
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Result 11 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: Parwati and the Beggar-Man (Read 1 time) |
wydy2009
Guest
| | Parwati and the Beggar-Man
« Result #11 on Feb 26, 2009, 3:43am » | |
Once upon a time there was a town called Atpat. In It there lived a Brahman. He had seven daughters, and when they had reached a marriageable age he asked them who would arrange their marriages and bring them handsome husbands and make their fortunes. The six eldest daughters said, "Papa, Papa, you of course. You will arrange our marriages and bring us handsome husbands and make our fortunes for us."
But the youngest daughter was a naughty little girl. She got into a temper all about nothing, and she stamped her foot, and she turned her back on her father and said, "I will arrange my own marriage, and I will get a handsome husband for myself, and I will make my fortune myself." The Brahman was very angry with her, and so how do you think he punished her? He first searched about and found six rich and handsome boys. Then he married them with great pomp and display to his six eldest daughters.
But the youngest girl he gave in marriage to a miserable beggar-man. You never saw such a beggar-man as he was! There was not a spot on his skin that was not black with leprosy, and his feet and hands had rotted right off. If you had seen him you would have said, "If that beggar-man does not die to-day he will certainly die to-morrow. For he cannot possibly live any longer!" When the marriage was celebrated, the little girl's mother filled her lap with wheat and then handed her over to the beggar-man to see what sort of fortune would be hers.
But in a few days the beggar-man died. His corpse was taken to the burning-ground, and his little widow followed it. But when his relatives wanted to burn the body, she forbade them and told them to go away. For she said, "My fortune is still to come, whatever it may be." They all got round her and tried to persuade her that there was no use in her staying by the corpse, but she would not mind what they said. At last they were quite tired out and went home, leaving her in the burning-ground. When they had gone she took her husband's corpse on to her lap. Then she prayed to the god Shiva and said:
"My parents disown me. O why was I born
Both as orphan and widow to live all forlorn?"
As she prayed, she put the wheat which her mother had put into her lap grain by grain in the dead man's mouth. Then she sat there crying until midnight. Now it happened that on that very night Shiva and Parwati were in their chariot driving through the air over that very place. Parwati said suddenly to her husband, "I hear a woman crying, let us go and see what it is."
The god Shiva drove his chariot down to earth. He and Parwati got out and saw the Brahman's youngest daughter crying. They asked her what the reason was, and she told them. Then Parwati pitied her and said, "Your aunt has acquired great merit by her piety and devotions. You go to her and get her to give you all her merit and so you will bring your husband back to life." The god Shiva and Parwati then mounted on their chariot and disappeared.
Next morning the little widow left her husband's body, went to her aunt's house and begged her to give her all the merit which she had acquired, and told her the cause of the request. The aunt was very good and gave her all her own merit. The little widow then went back to the burning-ground and with its aid brought her husband back to life. But this time he was no longer a beggar-man black with leprosy and with feet and hands that had rotted away. He was a beautiful young man with well-shaped feet and a beautiful fair skin, and the little widow took her husband back to her father's house.
"Papa, Papa," she said, "you turned me out, but the gods have brought me back, and good fortune came to me without your bringing it." The father was too frightened of Parwati to say anything, so he held his peace. And the little girl and her husband, the beggar-man, lived happily ever afterwards.
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Result 12 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: The Charmed Ring (Read 1 time) |
wydy2009
Guest
| | The Charmed Ring
« Result #12 on Feb 26, 2009, 3:43am » | |
A merchant started his son in life with three hundred rupees, and bade him go to another country and try his luck in trade. The son took the money and departed. He had not gone far before he came across some herdsmen quarrelling over a dog, that some of them wished to kill. "Please do not kill the dog," pleaded the young and tender-hearted fellow; "I will give you one hundred rupees for it." Then and there, of course, the bargain was concluded, and the foolish fellow took the dog, and continued his journey. He next met with some people fighting about a cat. Some of them wanted to kill it, but others not. "Oh! please do not kill it," said he; "I will give you one hundred rupees for it." Of course they at once gave him the cat and took the money.<./p>
He went on till he reached a village, where some folk were quarrelling over a snake that had just been caught. Some of them wished to kill it, but others did not. "Please do not kill the snake," said he; "I will give you one hundred rupees." Of course the people agreed, and were highly delighted.
What a fool the fellow was! What would he do now that all his money was gone? What could he do except return to his father? Accordingly he went home.
"You fool! You scamp!" exclaimed his father when he had heard how his son had wasted all the money that had been given to him. "Go and live in the stables and repent of your folly. You shall never again enter my house."
So the young man went and lived in the stables. His bed was the grass spread for the cattle, and his companions were the dog, the cat, and the snake, which he had purchased so dearly. These creatures got very fond of him, and would follow him about during the day, and sleep by him at night; the cat used to sleep at his feet, the dog at his head, and the snake over his body, with its head hanging on one side and its tail on the other.
One day the snake in course of conversation said to its master, "I am the son of Raja Indrasha. One day, when I had come out of the ground to drink the air, some people seized me, and would have slain me had you not most opportunely arrived to my rescue. I do not know how I shall ever be able to repay you for your great kindness to me. Would that you knew my father! How glad he would be to see his son's preserver!"
"Where does he live? I should like to see him, if possible," said the young man.
"Well said!" continued the snake. "Do you see yonder mountain? At the bottom of that mountain there is a sacred spring. If you will come with me and dive into that spring, we shall both reach my father's country. Oh! how glad he will be to see you! He will wish to reward you, too. But how can he do that? However, you may be pleased to accept something at his hand. If he asks you what you would like, you would, perhaps, do well to reply, 'The ring on your right hand, and the famous pot and spoon which you possess.' With these in your possession, you would never need anything, for the ring is such that a man has only to speak to it, and immediately a beautiful furnished mansion will be provided for him, while the pot and the spoon will supply him with all manner of the rarest and most delicious foods."
Attended by his three companions the man walked to the well and prepared to jump in, according to the snake's directions. "O master!" exclaimed the cat and dog, when they saw what he was going to do. "What shall we do? Where shall we go?"
"Wait for me here," he replied. "I am not going far. I shall not be long away." On saying this, he dived into the water and was lost to sight.
"Now what shall we do?" said the dog to the cat. "We must remain here," replied the cat, "as our master ordered. Do not be anxious about food. I will go to the people's houses and get plenty of food for both of us." And so the cat did, and they both lived very comfortably till their master came again and joined them.
The young man and the snake reached their destination in safety; and information of their arrival was sent to the Raja. His highness commanded his son and the stranger to appear before him. But the snake refused, saying that it could not go to its father till it was released from this stranger, who had saved it from a most terrible death, and whose slave it therefore was. Then the Raja went and embraced his son, and saluting the stranger welcomed him to his dominions. The young man stayed there a few days, during which he received the Raja's right-hand ring, and the pot and spoon, in recognition of His Highness's gratitude to him for having delivered his son. He then returned. On reaching the top of the spring he found his friends, the dog and the cat, waiting for him. They told one another all they had experienced since they had last seen each other, and were all very glad. Afterwards they walked together to the river side, where it was decided to try the powers of the charmed ring and pot and spoon.
The merchant's son spoke to the ring, and immediately a beautiful house and a lovely princess with golden hair appeared. He spoke to the pot and spoon, also, and the most delicious dishes of food were provided for them. So he married the princess, and they lived very happily for several years, until one morning the princess, while arranging her toilet, put the loose hairs into a hollow bit of reed and threw them into the river that flowed along under the window. The reed floated on the water for many miles, and was at last picked up by the prince of that country, who curiously opened it and saw the golden hair. On finding it the prince rushed off to the palace, locked himself up in his room, and would not leave it. He had fallen desperately in love with the woman whose hair he had picked up, and refused to eat, or drink, or sleep, or move, till she was brought to him. The king, his father, was in great distress about the matter, and did not know what to do. He feared lest his son should die and leave him without an heir. At last he determined to seek the counsel of his aunt, who was an ogress. The old woman consented to help him, and bade him not to be anxious, as she felt certain that she would succeed in getting the beautiful woman for his son's wife.
She assumed the shape of a bee and went along buzzing, and buzzing, and buzzing. Her keen sense of smell soon brought her to the beautiful princess, to whom she appeared as an old hag, holding in one hand a stick by way of support. She introduced herself to the beautiful princess and said, "I am your aunt, whom you have never seen before, because I left the country just after your birth." She also embraced and kissed the princess by way of adding force to her words. The beautiful princess was thoroughly deceived. She returned the ogress's embrace, and invited her to come and stay in the house as long as she could, and treated her with such honour and attention, that the ogress thought to herself, "I shall soon accomplish my errand." When she had been in the house three days, she began to talk of the charmed ring, and advised her to keep it instead of her husband, because the latter was constantly out shooting and on other such-like expeditions, and might lose it. Accordingly the beautiful princess asked her husband for the ring, and he readily gave it to her.
The ogress waited another day before she asked to see the precious thing. Doubting nothing, the beautiful princess complied, when the ogress seized the ring, and reassuming the form of a bee flew away with it to the palace, where the prince was lying nearly on the point of death. "Rise up. Be glad. Mourn no more," she said to him. "The woman for whom you yearn will appear at your summons. See, here is the charm, whereby you may bring her before you." The prince was almost mad with joy when he heard these words, and was so desirous of seeing the beautiful princess, that he immediately spoke to the ring, and the house with its fair occupant descended in the midst of the palace garden. He at once entered the building, and telling the beautiful princess of his intense love, entreated her to be his wife. Seeing no escape from the difficulty, she consented on the condition that he would wait one month for her.
Meanwhile the merchant's son had returned from hunting and was terribly distressed not to find his house and wife. There was the place only, just as he knew it before he had tried the charmed ring which Raja Indrasha had given him. He sat down and determined to put an end to himself. Presently the cat and dog came up. They had gone away and hidden themselves, when they saw the house and everything disappear. "O master!" they said, "stay your hand. Your trial is great, but it can be remedied. Give us one month, and we will go and try to recover your wife and house."
"Go," said he, "and may the great God aid your efforts. Bring back my wife, and I shall live."
So the cat and dog started off at a run, and did not stop till they reached the place whither their mistress and the house had been taken. "We may have some difficulty here," said the cat. "Look, the king has taken our master's wife and house for himself. You stay here. I will go to the house and try to see her." So the dog sat down, and the cat climbed up to the window of the room, wherein the beautiful princess was sitting, and entered. The princess recognised the cat, and informed it of all that had happened to her since she had left them.
"But is there no way of escape from the hands of these people?" she asked.
"Yes," replied the cat, "if you can tell me where the charmed ring is."
"The ring is in the stomach of the ogress," she said.
"All right," said the cat, "I will recover it. If we once get it, everything is ours." Then the cat descended the wall of the house, and went and laid down by a rat's hole and pretended she was dead. Now at that time a great wedding chanced to be going on among the rat community of that place, and all the rats of the neighbourhood were assembled in that one particular mine by which the cat had lain down. The eldest son of the king of the rats was about to be married. The cat got to know of this, and at once conceived the idea of seizing the bridegroom and making him render the necessary help. Consequently, when the procession poured forth from the hole squealing and jumping in honour of the occasion, it immediately spotted the bridegroom and pounced down on him. "Oh! let me go, let me go," cried the terrified rat. "Oh! let him go," squealed all the company. "It is his wedding day."
"No, no," replied the cat. "Not unless you do some thing for me. Listen. The ogress, who lives in that house with the prince and his wife, has swallowed a ring, which I very much want. If you will procure it for me, I will allow the rat to depart unharmed. If you do not, then your prince dies under my feet."
"Very well, we agree," said they all. "Nay, if we do not get the ring for you, devour us all."
This was rather a bold offer. However, they accomplished the thing. At midnight, when the ogress was sound asleep, one of the rats went to her bedside, climbed up on her face, and inserted its tail into her throat; whereupon the ogress coughed violently, and the ring came out and rolled on to the floor. The rat immediately seized the precious thing and ran off with it to its king, who was very glad, and went at once to the cat and released its son.
As soon as the cat received the ring, she started back with the dog to go and tell their master the good tidings. All seemed safe now. They had only to give the ring to him, and he would speak to it, and the house and beautiful princess would again be with them, and everything would go on as happily as before. "How glad master will be!" they thought, and ran as fast as their legs could carry them. Now, on the way they had to cross a stream. The dog swam, and the cat sat on its back. Now the dog was jealous of the cat, so he asked for the ring, and threatened to throw the cat into the water if it did not give it up; whereupon the cat gave up the ring. Sorry moment, for the dog at once dropped it, and a fish swallowed it.
"Oh! what shall I do? what shall I do?" said the dog.
"What is done is done," replied the cat. "We must try to recover it, and if we do not succeed we had better drown ourselves in this stream. I have a plan. You go and kill a small lamb, and bring it here to me."
"All right," said the dog, and at once ran off. He soon came back with a dead lamb, and gave it to the cat. The cat got inside the lamb and lay down, telling the dog to go away a little distance and keep quiet. Not long after this a nadhar, a bird whose look can break the bones of a fish, came and hovered over the lamb, and eventually pounced down on it to carry it away. On this the cat came out and jumped on to the bird, and threatened to kill it if it did not recover the lost ring. This was most readily promised by the nadhar, who immediately flew off to the king of the fishes, and ordered it to make inquiries and to restore the ring. The king of the fishes did so, and the ring was found and carried back to the cat.
"Come along now; I have got the ring," said the cat to the dog.
"No, I will not," said the dog, "unless you let me have the ring. I can carry it as well as you. Let me have it or I will kill you." So the cat was obliged to give up the ring. The careless dog very soon dropped it again. This time it was picked up and carried off by a kite.
"See, see, there it goes--away to that big tree," the cat exclaimed.
"Oh! oh! what have I done?" cried the dog.
"You foolish thing, I knew it would be so," said the cat. "But stop your barking, or you will frighten away the bird to some place where we shall not be able to trace it."
The cat waited till it was quite dark, and then climbed the tree, killed the kite, and recovered the ring. "Come along," it said to the dog when it reached the ground. "We must make haste now. We have been delayed. Our master will die from grief and suspense. Come on."
The dog, now thoroughly ashamed of itself, begged the cat's pardon for all the trouble it had given. It was afraid to ask for the ring the third time, so they both reached their sorrowing master in safety and gave him the precious charm. In a moment his sorrow was turned into joy. He spoke to the ring, and his beautiful wife and house reappeared, and he and everybody were as happy as ever they could be.
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Result 13 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: HUMOR THEM! (Read 1 time) |
wydy2009
Guest
| | HUMOR THEM!
« Result #13 on Feb 21, 2009, 12:30am » | |
One of the requirements of every commencement speaker is that they offer some advice. Well, get ready, It here it comes.
Soon you will be leaving wow power leveling the company of those who think they have all the answers-your professors, instructors and counselors-and going out into what we like to call the real world. In time you will meet up with other people who think they have all the answers.wow gold These people are called bosses. My advice is: humor them.
A little later you will meet additional people who think they have all the answers. These are called spouses.wow gold My advice is: humor them, too.
And if all goes well, in a few years you will meet still another group of people who think they have all the answers. These are called children. Humor them.
Life will go on,wow power leveling your children will grow up, go to school, and someday they could be taking part in a commencement ceremony just like this one. And who knows, the speaker responsible for handing out good advice might be you. Halfway through your speech, the graduate sitting next to your daughter will lean over and ask,wow gold "Who is that woman up there who thinks she has all the answers?"
Well, thanks to the sound advice you are hearing today and that I hope you will all pass on, she will be able to say,wow power leveling "That is my mother. Humor her."
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Result 14 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: Mothers & Daughters (Read 1 time) |
wydy2009
Guest
| | Mothers & Daughters
« Result #14 on Feb 21, 2009, 12:30am » | |
"You won't forget to bring the potato masher, will you?" I said to my mother on the phone after telling her I had to have a mastectomy. Even at 82, and 3000 miles away on the long distance line, she knew what I meant: Soupy mashed potatoes.
This what was she had made for every illness or mishap of my childhood-served in a soup bowl with a nice round spoon.wow power leveling But I had been lucky as a child and was rarely sick. Most often the potato medicine soothed disappointment or nourished a mild cold. This time I was seriously ill.
Arriving on the midnight plane from Virginia, Mom looked fresh as a daisy when she walked through the front door of my house in California the day after I came home from the hospital.wow gold I could barely keep my eyes open, but the last thing I saw before I fell asleep was Mom unzipping her carefully packed suitcase and taking out her 60-year-old potato masher. The one she received as a shower gift, with the worn wooden handle and the years of memories.
She was mashing potatoes wow gold in my kitchen the day I told her tearfully that I would have to undergo chemotherapy. She put the masher down and looked me squarely in the eye. "I'll stay with you, however long it takes," she told me. "There is nothing more important I have to do in my life than help you get well." I had always thought I was the stubborn one in my family but in the five months that followed I saw that I came by my trait honestly.
Mom had decided that I would not pre-decease her. She simply would not have it. She took me on daily walks even when I couldn't get any further than our driveway. She crushed the pills I had to take and put them in jam,wow power leveling because even in middle-age, with a grown daughter of my own, I couldn't swallow pills any better than when I was a child.
When my hair started to fall out, she bought me cute hats. She gave me warm ginger ale in a crystal wineglass to calm my tummy and sat up with me on sleepless nights.wow gold She served me tea in china cups.
When I was down, she was up. When she was down, I must have been asleep. She never let me see it. And, in the end, I got well. I went back to my writing.
I have discovered that Mother's Day doesn't happen some Sunday in May.wow power leveling But every day you are lucky enough to have a mother around to love you.
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Result 15 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: Elite Miami Escort Service (Read 1 time) |
miami escorts
Guest
|  | Elite Miami Escort Service
« Result #15 on Feb 19, 2009, 7:04pm » | |
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Result 16 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: Mary Lou (Read 1 time) |
asln2009
Guest
| | Mary Lou
« Result #16 on Feb 16, 2009, 1:03am » | |
It was my first day as newcomer to Miss Hargrove¡¯s seventh grade. Past ¡°newcomer¡± experiences had been difficult, so I was very anxious to fit in. After being introduced to the class, I bravely put on a smile and took my seat, expecting to be shunned.
Lunchtime was a pleasant surprise when the girls all crowded around my table. Their chatter was friendly, so I began to relax.wow power leveling My new classmates filled me in on the school, the teachers and the other kids. It wasn¡¯t long before the class nerd was pointed out to me: Mary Lou English. Actually she called herself Mary Louise. A prim, prissy young girl with a stern visage and old-fashioned clothes, she wasn¡¯t ugly -- not even funny looking. I thought she was quite pretty,wow gold but I had sense enough not to say so. Dark-eyed and olive-skinned, she had long, silky black hair, but -- she had pipe curls! Practical shoes, long wool skirt and a starched, frilly blouse completed the image of a complete dork. The girls¡¯ whispers and giggles got louder and louder. Mary Lou made eye contact with no one as she strode past our table, chin held high with iron determination. She ate alone.
After school, the girls invited me to join them in front of the school.wow power leveling I was thrilled to be a member of the club, however tentative. We waited. For what, I didn¡¯t yet know. Oh, how I wish I had gone home, but I had a lesson to learn.
Arms wrapped around her backpack, Mary Lou came down the school steps. The taunting began - rude, biting comments and jeering from the girls. I paused, then joined right in. My momentum began to pick up as I approached her. Nasty, mean remarks fell unabated from my lips. No one could tell I¡¯d never done this before. The other girls stepped back and became my cheerleaders. Emboldened, I yanked the strap of her backpack and then pushed her. The strap broke, Mary Lou fell and I backed off. Everyone was laughing and patting me. I fit in. I was a leader.
I was not proud. Something inside me hurt.wow power leveling If you¡¯ve ever picked a wing off a butterfly, you know how I felt.
Mary Lou got up, gathered her books and -- without a tear shed or retort given -- off she went. She held her head high as a small trickle of blood ran down from her bruised knee. I watched her limp away down the street.
I turned to leave with my laughing friends and noticed a man standing beside his car. His olive skin, dark hair and handsome features told me this was her father.wow gold Respectful of Mary Lou¡¯s proud spirit, he remained still and watched the lonely girl walk toward him. Only his eyes -- shining with both grief and pride -- followed. As I passed, he looked at me in silence with burning tears that spoke to my shame and scalded my heart. He didn¡¯t speak a word.
No scolding from a teacher or preaching from a parent could linger as much as that hurt in my heart from the day a father&rsqu
o;s eyes taught me kindness and strength and dignity.wow gold I never again joined the cruel herds. I never again hurt someone for my own gain.
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Result 17 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: My Declaration of Self-Esteem (Read 1 time) |
asln2009
Guest
| | My Declaration of Self-Esteem
« Result #17 on Feb 16, 2009, 1:03am » | |
The following was written in answer to a 15-year-old girl¡¯s question, ¡°How can I prepare myself for a fulfilling life?¡±
I am me.
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.wow power leveling There are people who have some parts like me but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it.
I own everything about me -- my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all my thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they might be -- anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth and all the words that come out of it -- polite, sweet and rough, wow gold correct or incorrect; my voice, loud and soft; all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me,wow power leveling I can become intimately acquainted with me in all my parts. I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do,wow power leveling and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.
When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting.wow gold I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me and therefore I can engineer me.wow gold I am me and I am okay.
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Result 18 of 20:
Result 19 of 20:
Result 20 of 20:
| | Author | Topic: Chinese Go Online in Search of Elite Class (Read 92 times) |
pokant
Guest
| | Chinese Go Online in Search of Elite Class
« Result #20 on Feb 25, 2008, 6:35am » | |
Published: January 16, 2004
ARBIN, China, Jan. 14 ¡ª On Oct. 16, the day she died, Liu Zhongxia was riding in her onion cart when it scraped a sedan.wow gold,wow power leveling,wow power leveling, |
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